My goodness. Pages, you have to save me today.
I need saving today. I need a friend. I need a mother. I need a father. I need sisters. I need a brother. I am in need today. You have to save me.
Do you understand? Relationships are the hardest thing. To let someone in. Close. I am sitting with strangers because this is the only open seat in the place.
I am a witch. I am a priestess. I am an earthen angel. I use talismans. I am part of the divine because I am part of creation. You are not denied your spirituality. The earth serves us all. That is grace. You are held by grace right now. Keep going. Admit you were wrong. Place the blame where it belongs.
I am in a storytelling workshop. Kids on wheels. These pages will save me. The magic and curiosity. A full page of feelings and curiosity. Be curious. You are a witch. You are an angel. A moon maiden. Powerful and abundant. Communicate with who you need to. Feel better. Be a witch and an angel. Relationships are hard; even with the best of them.
I’m learning how hurt and abused my thoughts have become, my understanding of love and intimacy. How hurt. How screwed over. The truth. In tar-like shame. My goodness. I love you Allyson. A high five to everyone I love, to everyone who longs to love me. To those I long to love and those who long to love me. I am beautiful and deserving. I am worthy and wealthy. Abundant.
Being in relationship is one of those things.
I love coffee. I love sitting in this cafe, writing. Do not let yourself be lead astray. You walked away. Be drawn by the silent pull of what you truly love. It will not lead you astray. I am a witch. I am an earthen angel. I am here to write. Pages, my favourite place. Everyday this is what I come here to feel. It doesn’t matter where I am, only that I feel safe and in community. Alone together.
How many different ways can you write words. In all sorts of ways. You are inspiring. You are a witch, and goddess too. Belong to where you belong.
I showered. That was a good first step. Wash dishes. Eat food.
I moved tables. To be alone and face out. To have my back to the room, with a window before me. Look around. Comfort and right action are all around you. The world is changing. Your life is never stagnant. Get out of that child despair. That is the gravy, the tar, it will weigh you down. We are all safe and free. Belong and be yourself. We are all safe and free. You and me. Don’t worry. You don’t need to do anything to belong. You are made just as you should be.
Your soul knew what was up before your mind did. Or your body. Your soul is prepared for this journey. Your soul is prepared for this journey. Always has been.
The shame is everywhere. Over everything. What a nasty place to visit. And visit I must. It is a place and not the present moment. It is a feeling and feelings pass. I can be loved. You can be loved. Sia. That song. Do I have it? Yes. And now it’s playing. You will be loved. I believe it. I believe in you. I believe what there is to believe. I believe my heart.
It’s hard to decipher lies from someone I love. It’s hard to disagree with them. Figuring out all the lies I was told by the people I love the most. It’s as close to home as it gets.
I don’t want to sit. I understand what is going on. I can be self-aware. And I can be loved for it. I am a witch. I am an earthen angel. I am moonbeam and starlight. I am found in the night sky. Early morning. Light does not…wake up in darkness. What kind of early morning ritual could you get done. Could this be the thing that gets me going. I am going to tell my story. I will begin. Bare my soul. Believe I am safe.
I got my phone out and now I’ve been sidetracked. This is what healing looks like. I’ll show them. I’ll show all of them. I can be loving and strong. I can be loving and boundaried. I can be loving and safe. I can be loving and loved.
Are you ready to go home? Listen to podcasts. Listen to voices of love and wisdom.
I don’t understand wearing just tights. How can you let them know where your crotch is? Cover your crotch. Make a daily series. Understanding PTSD. Healing the trauma. What I don’t understand. What makes me curious. Where it hurts. I love you. ❤
I am going to keep writing. One more page. Being here feels better than going home. There is no rush. All good things come in time. Your desires come to be, in time. Your life is unfolding as it should.
Relationship = alienation, hurt. Love = being ignored/judged from afar.
It’s creepy and it freaks me out. Bless my heart. And bless yours too. All the best to you. Learn to trust one another. I love you. You are the best. You belong here. You belong to each other. You are mine and I am yours. Amen. Hallelujah.
Baby baby believe in me. Believe. The ink won’t move if the words don’t come out true. How does the letter form? What can you put through? Believe me. Believe in you. This is the best spot. Right where you are. To fully actualize. Be. Inhabit your own life. I’m not searching after anyone else.
I want this page done. I want to get out of here now.
This is the bomb. I am sacred. I am loved. I am the grace and energy of stardust and moonbeams. Stardust and moonbeams. Believe in me. I belong to you. ❤
Allyson Proulx 